TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, June 22 - Sunday, June 28

CABLE & SATELLITE: I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything quite like Holy Motors (23:50, Tuesday, Film4). More than that, I’m not sure I even have the words to properly describe it. French writer/director Leos Carax’s 2012 film is enigmatic to the point of being utterly unknowable; even with a gun to my head I doubt I could tell you what it was actually about. The facts are these: a man named Monsieur Oscar (Denis Lavant) is driven around Paris by Celine (Edith Scob), his chauffeur, in a white limousine to a series of appointments. He adopts a different persona – often requiring extensive make-up, props and costumes – for each engagement he keeps, including that of an old beggar woman, an actor simulating sex while dressed in a motion capture suit, and a violent red-haired man who kidnaps a beautiful young model from a photo shoot. It continues in this vein for some time, occasionally perhaps giving us the odd glimpse of Oscar’s real life as he flits from assignation to assignation, each one stranger than the last. To call Holy Motors surreal or perverse simply doesn’t do it justice, it’s a gloriously entertaining puzzle that isn’t meant to be solved. So don’t try – just enjoy the madcap journey.

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Avatar (21:00, tonight, Film4) James Cameron’s earnest but enjoyable lanky blue alien spectacular starring Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana and Sigourney Weaver. 

Revolution (13:45, Tuesday, Movie Mix) Al Pacino fights for the freedom of the American colonies in a British film that was a critical and box office flop upon its release in 1985. 
Masque of Red Death (21:00, Wednesday, Horror Channel) Edgar Allan Poe! Roger Corman! Vincent Price! Worshipping Satan! What’s not to like?
The Wicker Man (23:30, Saturday, ITV4) Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee are both terrific in a film for which the term “cult classic” could have been invented.
Super (23:15, Saturday, Film4) Writer/director James Gunn’s first run at making a superhero film is every bit as entertaining as his Guardians of the Galaxy. Rainn Wilson is the Crimson Bolt ("Shut up crime!"), Ellen Page his unstable sidekick Boltie.

STREAMING/VIEW ON DEMAND: Blind (Various Streaming Services) is an astonishingly assured debut from Norwegian writer/director Eskil Vogt. Set in Oslo, it tells the story of Ingrid (Ellen Dorrit Petersen), who has recently lost her sight. She retreats into herself – never leaving the apartment she shares with husband Morten, and slowly but surely surrendering to paranoia and fantasy as her loneliness and isolation start to take their inevitable toll. She convinces herself that Morten remains home when he’s supposed to be at work, so he can silently watch her. Not only that, but she believes he’s having an affair with pretty single mum Elin (Vera Vitali) who lives close by. Ingrid’s descent into this imaginary world becomes more and more elaborate as the story proceeds; she conjures more characters and situations to create a sort of film within a film. At first, you aren’t quite sure what is real and what is being shaken loose from Ingrid’s fevered mind. (There’s a great scene early on when Morten sees old friend Einar (Marius Kolbenstvedt), a porn addict with a crush on Elin. Their meeting takes place in a busy café but, because it’s part of Ingrid’s fantasy, the location morphs between that, a moving bus and sometimes a weird combination of both). Vogt reveals his hand earlier than he might have, though, because it isn’t really the artful blurring of fantasy and reality that is the issue here; he’s more interested in exploring the effect of a sudden and hugely debilitating disability on a vulnerable young woman. How it impacts her marriage, her identity and self-worth. He does so cleverly and, at times, shockingly, avoiding many of the clichés that have come to define portrayals of the disabled in movies. Frankly, it’s a triumph, and one of the finest foreign language films I’ve seen all year.

I couldn't find a decent trailer on YouTube with English subtitles so try this one from Vimeo.

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The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (Amazon Prime) Beautiful animated Japanese fairy tale from Studio Ghibli.
Appropriate Behaviour (VSS) Desiree Akhavan writes, directs and stars in a likeable comedy-drama about a bisexual Iranian woman struggling with family and relationships in New York.
Blackhat (VSS) Michael Mann's much-maligned techie thriller starring Thor's Chris Hemsworth as an expert hacker trying to bring down a cybercrime network.
Fifty Shades of Grey (VSS) No idea what this is. Something to do with working on the paint counter at B&Q, perhaps?
Everly (VSS, from Friday) Gun-toting Salma Hayek takes on the Yakuza without ever leaving her apartment in a stylish but absurdly violent action thriller.

TERRESTRIAL: There was a period, roughly between 1985 and 1994, when it seemed director Tim Burton could do no wrong. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Batman and its extraordinary sequel Batman Returns – by anyone’s standards, it was a hell of a run. My favourite film from Burton’s purple patch, though, is probably 1988’s Beetlejuice (17:10, Sunday, Channel 5). Weird, funny, scary, charming, surreal, eccentric, inventive, profane, visually stunning and gloriously gothic, it tells the story of Adam and Barbara Maitland (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis), a recently-deceased ghostly couple who hire a crazed “bio-exorcist” (the titular Beetlejuice) to rid them of the Deetz – an objectionable family that has recently purchased their house. However, the Maitlands get cold feet when they become friends with the Deetz’s daughter Lydia (Winona Ryder) and attempt to call off the “hit” – much to Beetlejuice’s fury. The entire film is an unalloyed joy – from Michael Keaton’s hilarious, gross and generally jaw-dropping turn as the bio-exorcist himself, to the horror and dark humour of the afterlife waiting room scene, to a dinner party dance sequence featuring Harry Belafonte’s Banana Boat Song that Catherine O’Hara (as Delia Deetz) completely owns. It’s just a pity we never got a glimpse of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, an abandoned sequel that would have seen Keaton’s ghost with the most win a surfing contest. 

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Zaytoun (00:25, Wednesday, Channel 4) A young Palestinian refugee forms a close bond with a downed Israeli fighter pilot (Stephen Dorff).
Bloody Sunday (23:10, Friday, ITV) Paul Greengrass’ powerful drama based on the killing of 14 civilian protestors by British soldiers in Derry, Northern Ireland in 1972. James Nesbitt – as SDLP MP Ivan Cooper – has never been better.

Babylon AD (22:55, Saturday, Channel 4) Post-apocalyptic sci-fi adventure starring Vin Diesel as a mercenary escorting a girl with strange powers from Russia to New York.

The Infidel (01:00, Saturday, BBC2) Identity crisis comedy starring Omid Djalili as a successful Muslim businessman who discovers he’s adopted and Jewish.
Blue Valentine (00:50, Sunday, Channel 4) Fine relationship drama featuring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling as a couple struggling to keep their disintegrating marriage intact.

Please note: Films starting after midnight are always considered part of the previous day's schedule, e.g. The Infidel begins at 01:00 - technically Sunday morning - but is still part of Saturday's listings. All times in 24-hour clock.

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, June 15 - Sunday, June 21

CABLE & SATELLITE: After the Evil Dead debacle, I tend to steer clear of remakes – especially remakes of films I loved growing up. Poltergeist (21:00, Wednesday, 5*) –  a winning collaboration between Tobe Hooper and Steven Spielberg – is firmly in that category too and wild horses wouldn’t have got me to the cinema to see the recent Gil Kenan-directed regurgitation... even if it did star the great Sam Rockwell. I know why remakes exist (money) and accept they can occasionally be pretty wonderful (The Fly, John Carpenter’s The Thing) but, for the most part, I just don’t want a bar of them. Besides, remakes work best when the original film lacked quality and that certainly isn’t something you could ever say about 1982’s Poltergeist. As much a Spielbergian adventure film as it is a horror picture, Poltergeist is nevertheless incredibly spooky (“They’re he-e-e-ere”) and one of the finest haunted house movies of the last 30+ years. The story is simple – supernatural forces invade the home of a typical American family and make off with their youngest daughter Carol Anne (tragic child actress Heather O’Rourke). She remains inside the house but on a different plane of existence so the family call in a spiritual medium (the fantastic Zelda Rubenstein as Tangina Barrons) to retrieve her. It builds slowly and deliberately but when the spectral madness really kicks in (including some terrific special effects) the film moves through the gears to deliver a breathless, thrill-a-minute ghost-train ride.

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Jaws (18:50, Tuesday, Sky Sci-Fi/Horror) The great white shark Spielberg nicknamed "Bruce" celebrates its 40th anniversary. Terrific, still.
Margot at the Wedding (01:55, Tuesday, Film4) Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Jason Leigh star in Noah Baumbach’s bruising dysfunctional family drama.
White Heat (18:50, Thursday, TCM) Jimmy Cagney shines in his finest role; as psychopathic criminal Cody Jarrett. “Made it, Ma! Top of the world!”
The Sea Inside (22:00, Thursday, Sky Arts) Javier Bardem is remarkable as a bedridden quadriplegic seeking to end his own life in this Spanish drama.
Boyhood (15:15 and 21:35, from Friday, Sky Movies Premiere) Richard Linklater's superb family drama starring Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette finally arrives on Sky.

STREAMING/VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): Not a movie but something a little bit different: Danny Leigh’s British Film Mavericks, which is available to watch for the next 20 days on the BBC’s iPlayer. Leigh is one of the UK’s most engaging film critics and certainly the only reason to ever tune in to BBC1’s ailing Film 2015 TV show. His knowledge is vast and his enthusiasm infectious and so it proves again here as he profiles six very different UK filmmakers; namely John Akomfrah (director of the documentary Handsworth Songs), Donald Cammell (co-director of Performance, with Nic Roeg), Alan Clarke (Scum, Made in Britain), Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast, Under the Skin), Samantha Morton (Hollywood actor turned director), and Peter Watkins (The War Game). The profiles all come in at under 10 minutes but act as perfect primers, Leigh offering more than a mere career overview as he takes time to explain what makes each subject’s work special or different. Watch all six and I guarantee you’ll be clamouring to see Glazer’s Birth, Morton’s The Unloved, and Watkins’ Culloden (trailer below) immediately after.

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Selma (Various Streaming Services) David Oyelowo is astounding as Martin Luther King in Ava DuVernay’s powerful civil rights drama.
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (Netflix UK) Hard-boiled comic-book sequel with Josh Brolin, Eva Green and Mickey Rourke.
Wild Tales (VSS) Excellent Argentine portmanteau featuring six delightfully disturbing stories. Reviewed here.
Palo Alto (Netflix UK, from Tuesday) Powerful teen drama starring James Franco as a sleazy soccer coach. 
The Purge (Netflix UK, from Sunday) Effective horror/thriller set during the titular Purge – an annual 12-hour period when all law enforcement in the United States is suspended. 

TERRESTRIAL: Summer's here and the five main channel's schedules are looking a bit threadbare when it comes to quality, heavyweight movies. In keeping with the light-hearted sunny vibe, then, let's go for a film that's undemanding but still fun. Something like Anchorman supremo Adam McKay's The Other Guys (22:00, Sunday, Channel 5), in which Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play amusingly mismatched cops. Allen Gamble (Ferrell) and Terry Hoitz (Wahlberg) are desk-bound officers, a couple of losers who are insanely jealous of their flashy, frontline colleagues, exemplified by Samuel L Jackson and Dwayne Johnson. However, when Jackson and Johnson are suddenly put out of commission, the second stringers are pressed into action on a major case. The mutually-antagonistic cops routine has been done better elsewhere (most recently by Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock in The Heat) but The Other Guys is elevated enormously by two terrific performances from Ferrell and Wahlberg, their characters' contempt for each other providing the lion's share of the laughs. As you'll see from the trailer, there are also a couple of nice jabs directed Hollywood's way and at action movies in particular. It doesn't all work; there's an ongoing gag involving police captain Michael Keaton inadvertently quoting lyrics from TLC songs that should have been excised long before the final draft, but that's a small beer in a movie full of funny moments. 

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Creation (23:25, Tuesday, BBC1) Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly star in an engaging and thought-provoking biopic of Charles Darwin.
Rush (21:00, Saturday, Channel 4) Hi-octane recreation of the intense Formula One rivalry between Brit James Hunt (Thor’s Chris Hemsworth) and Austria’s Niki Lauda (Daniel Brühl).
Hamlet 2 (22:35, Saturday, BBC2) The great Steve Coogan in one of those underwhelming film comedies he used to do (see also The Parole Officer).
Basic Instinct (23:25, Saturday, Channel 4) Glossy, erotic thriller, in which Sharon Stone flashes her lady garden. It all seems rather quaint these days.
Jurassic Park III (15:05, Sunday, ITV) Sam Neill and Laura Dern return for more dinosaur-related hi-jinks (the pterosaurs are the highlight this time). 

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, June 8 - Sunday, June 14

VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): Having watched the trailer for Inherent Vice (Various Streaming Services), you might have been somewhat taken aback by the film itself. For what seemed a laugh-a-minute madcap comedy full of pratfalls in the highlights package was a woozy, sprawling, slow-burning, pot-head noir in Paul Thomas Anderson's finished picture. This seemed to infuriate some punters who took to Twitter to report they'd left halfway through a movie they'd found "interminable" and "pretentious". However, like all of Anderson's films, it improves on a second or third viewing, even though the plot itself remains somewhat hard to precisely pin down. Set in Los Angeles, in 1970, Joaquin Phoenix is Larry "Doc" Sportello, a private investigator tasked by old flame Shasta (Katherine Waterston) to help foil a plot to have her current lover - a real-estate bigwig named Mickey Wolfmann - committed to a mental institution. Things grow more complicated when Wolfmann and Shasta disappear and Sportello once again becomes the target of an old nemesis: LAPD Detective Christian F "Bigfoot" Bjornsen (played with bullying zeal by Josh Brolin). It seems simple but trust me when I say it isn't. This being based on a Thomas Pynchon novel, there are all kinds of tangents and detours to explore before the film reaches any kind of resolution. Just let yourself go with it, though, and there's lots to admire, particularly the performances of a terrific cast, Anderson's gimlet eye for period detail, and a downbeat death-of-the-sixties vibe.

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Jauja (vss) Gorgeous-looking, hallucinatory "western" set in 19th Century Argentina about a Danish army captain (Viggo Mortensen) searching for his missing teenage daughter. One of those films that leaves an indelible impression on you (full review by me here).
Kajaki (vss) Gripping war thriller about a group of Paras becoming trapped in a mine field whilst on patrol in Afghanistan.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (vss) Uproariously entertaining spy flick, that celebrates and satirises all things Bond. Colin Firth is superb as the super-suave secret agent training a new recruit.
Tusk (vss) Kevin Smith's bizarre horror/comedy has to be seen to be believed. Enormous fun featuring Johnny Depp in one of the oddest cameos you'll ever see.
The Wizard of Oz (Amazon Prime, from Thursday) It's all about feminism, atheism and, um, American Monetary Policy, apparently.

CABLE & SATELLITE: Aubrey Plaza (Life After Beth, Parks & Recreation) is such an accomplished comic actor that she almost made Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever worth a look. In oddball indie comedy Safety Not Guaranteed (22:45, Tuesday, Film4) she turns the snark down a bit as Darius Britt, an intern at a Seattle magazine investigating a strange classified ad, which reads: "WANTED: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. I have only done this once before. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED". Smelling a potentially interesting story, Darius - along with two colleagues from the magazine - embarks on a road trip to find the man who placed the ad. They quickly realise it isn't a joke or a scam, and that paranoid supermarket worker Kenneth (Mark Duplass) is deadly serious - he genuinely believes he has built a time machine and plans to use it to visit the past to save the life of an old girlfriend. Director Colin Trevorrow's debut film (his follow-up is an obscure little project called Jurassic World) is a clever romcom spin on Back to the Future and it is not only very funny but utterly charming too. 

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Race with the Devil (01:50, Tonight, Film4) A family camper van holiday goes tits up when Peter Fonda and Warren Oates fall foul of a satanic cult. Same thing happened to me in Cromer a couple of years back.

The Cruel Sea (16:20, Wednesday, Film4) Jack Hawkins and Donald Sinden star in a gripping WWII drama about soldiers aboard a British convoy escort ship.

As Above So Below (09:45 and 22:00, Friday, Sky Movies Premiere) Found-footage horror set in the Paris catacombs.

4.3.2.1 (22:55, Friday, Film4) Emma Roberts and Tamsin Egerton star in writer/co-director Noel Clarke's likeable and breathless female-centric crime drama.

Money Train (23:10, Friday, TCM) Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes are New York cops plotting to rob the titular train in this slight but fun buddy comedy/drama.

TERRESTRIAL: Whatever happened to Paul Verhoeven, the talented and subversive Dutch director who bestrode '80s and early-'90s cinema like a colossus with films such as Robocop, Basic Instinct, and Total Recall (22:40, Friday, ITV)? I'd got it into my head he'd been laughed out of Hollywood following the critical mauling meted out to 1995's kitsch and seedy Showgirls but that turned out to be a false memory (rather fitting as we shall see). In fact, the filmmaker was back on top form just two years later with the underrated sci-fi satire Starship Troopers, and directed Kevin Bacon in the big-budget Hollow Man at the turn of the century. But maybe 20 years in La La Land were enough as Verhoeven returned to his native Holland soon after, from where he gave us 2006's Black Book. He's 76 now and further films seem increasingly unlikely but Total Recall remains a beautifully-realised and hugely-imaginative slice of SF. Based on the Philip K Dick short story We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Douglas Quaid, a man travelling to Mars to lead a revolt against a corrupt regime – or, thanks to false, implanted memories – he could be dreaming the whole thing. It's certainly one of the very best Dick adaptations and the jaw-dropping special effects – courtesy of Rob Bottin and his team – deservedly won an Oscar. I still haven't seen 2012's remake/reimagining/reboot (or whatever the hell it was) and have no plans to do so. 

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Carry on Screaming! (23:40, Tonight, ITV) Fenella Fielding and Kenneth Williams are on top form in this inventive and amusing horror-flavoured outing from 1966. Frying tonight!

Reign of Fire (23:20, Tuesday,  BBC1) Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey battle dragons in this future-set fantasy.

In Our Name (23:00, Friday, BBC2) The excellent Joanne Froggatt is a British soldier haunted by the death of an Iraqi child in a powerful drama.

Rebecca (14:40, Saturday, BBC2) Alfred Hitchcock directs and Laurence Olivier stars in this creepily atmospheric adaptation of Daphne de Maurier's novel. 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (19:00, Saturday, ITV) First part of Peter Jackson's interminable - but sporadically enjoyable - adaptation of JRR Tolkien's novel.

Please note: Films starting after midnight are always considered part of the previous day's schedule, e.g. Race with the Devil begins at 01:50 - technically Tuesday morning - but is still part of Monday's listings. All times in 24-hour clock.

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, June 1 - Sunday, June 7

VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): Most reviewers will this week be extolling the virtues of Whiplash which makes its debut on DVD, Blu-ray and VOD today. And they’ll be quite right to do so because Damien Chazelle’s film is superb and easily one of my favourites of 2015 so far. But, if you’ve already seen Whiplash or are more interested in discovering a hidden gem, I’m going to recommend you watch Obvious Child (Netflix, from today) instead. In this most unusual of romcoms, Jenny Slate plays Donna Stern, a young stand-up comedian whose edgy material mostly involves her sex life and her Jewish faith. She’s fearless and talented, but Donna’s life is turned upside down when she loses her job at a local book store, her boyfriend absconds with her best friend, and she gets knocked up by a guy she barely knows (The Office’s Jake Lacy). It’s hugely refreshing to see a film which deals with the subject of unwanted pregnancy without recourse to melodrama or cloying sentiment while Slate’s terrifically funny as Stern (especially the scene, when, at her lowest ebb, she suffers a spectacular on-stage meltdown). Donna’s a loveable walking disaster whose difficult transition to adulthood makes for painful – but entirely relatable – viewing. The script is fresh, funny and packed with decent one-liners, making first-time writer/director Gillian Robespierre clearly one to watch. Fans of Woody Allen and Noah Baumbach, this is definitely for you.

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Whiplash (Various Streaming Services) Monstrous music teacher JK Simmons pushes Miles Teller to the edge in a powerful drama. Who knew jazz drumming could be so brutal?
Shaun the Sheep - The Movie (VSS) Laugh-packed animation from the ever-dependable Aardman in which the titular TV star heads for the big city to find the missing Farmer.
Ex Machina (VSS) Oscar Isaac, Domhnall Gleeson and Alicia Vikander star in Alex Garland’s A.I.-based thriller.
Lost River (VSS) Ryan Gosling’s nightmarish modern fairy tale was panned by critics on its cinema release but it’s substantially better than you’ll have heard.
Beetlejuice (Amazon Prime Video, from Thursday) Before he was Birdman or Batman, Michael Keaton was “bio-exorcist” Beetlejuice in Tim Burton’s outlandish dark comedy. Brilliant.

TERRESTRIAL: Is everyone out of the country this week and not bothered telling me? I only ask as, movie-wise, the five main channels are offering very slim pickings indeed. Tropic Thunder (23:20, Saturday, BBC1) probably isn’t the best of the bunch but it is certainly the most fun. An impressive A-list cast – including Ben Stiller (who also directs), Jack Black, Tom Cruise, and Robert Downey Jr – star in a deft spin on John Landis’ 1986 comedy ¡Three Amigos! In Landis’ film three unemployed actors (Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short) are invited to a Mexican village to reprise their most famous characters – a trio of ridiculous cowboy heroes who dress like a Mariachi band. But when they turn up in Mexico, the Amigos realise they have been mistaken for real-life do-gooders and now must fight ruthless local bandit El Guapo. Tropic Thunder sees Stiller, Black, Downey Jr and Brandon T Jackson (as rapper-turned-actor Alpa Chino) dropped into the middle of the Vietnam jungle whilst making the titular movie only to fall foul of the Flaming Dragon, a cutthroat gang of heroin smugglers. Of course, the clueless actors dismiss the very real danger they are in, assuming it is all part of the film’s “guerrilla” shooting style. Downey Jr steals the show as absurd Aussie method-actor Kirk Lazarus, lampooning himself as well as Daniel Day Lewis and Russell Crowe along the way. The film itself walks a clever line between being potentially offensive (Downey Jr appears in blackface and coins the much-quoted phrase, “Never go full retard”) and satirising an industry that encourages pampered actors and their monstrous self-regard. There are lots of very good jokes and some spot-on jabs at the war movie genre, while Nick Nolte and Steve Coogan provide game support.

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White Oleander (23:35, Tuesday, BBC1) Melodrama in which a young teenager (Drag Me To Hell's Alison Lohman) bounces between foster homes after her free-spirited mother (Michelle Pfeiffer) goes to prison for murder.
Infamous (23:50, Friday, BBC2) The other film about Truman Capote (following 2005's Capote starring Philip Seymour Hoffman) sees Toby Jones stepping into the acclaimed writer’s skin.
The Man Who Knew Too Much (11:20, Saturday, BBC2) The Beeb’s fine Alfred Hitchcock season continues with James Stewart and Doris Day as a holidaying couple caught up in an assassination plot.
My Week with Marilyn (22:30, Saturday, BBC2) Sir Laurence Olivier (Kenneth Branagh) and Marilyn Monroe (Michelle Williams) clash on the set of 1957's The Prince and the Showgirl in a charming drama elevated by two fine performances.
A Single Man (23:00, Sunday, BBC2) Gloomy - but finely acted - '60s-set suicide drama starring Colin Firth and Julianne Moore.

CABLE & SATELLITE: On the 40th anniversary of Jaws, it seems appropriate to recommend a sea-based thriller such as Adrift (23:10, Friday, Film4), albeit one with a distinct lack of sharks. No, the villain of the piece here isn’t a vengeful great white nicknamed Bruce but simple human negligence. And it’s utterly fatal. A group of friends (including Susan May Pratt as aquaphobe Amy) go for a weekend yacht cruise and, weighing anchor, contentedly splash about in the beautiful waters off Mexico. Unfortunately, with everyone in the sea and miles from dry land, it soon becomes apparent they can’t get back aboard the yacht – nobody thought to pull down the embarkation ladder. In short, they’re stranded and Amy’s helpless baby Sarah is still aboard on her own. It’s a fiendishly simple premise but one that director Hans Horn milks for all its worth. First of all, the friends try to calmly and rationally think their way out of trouble but, as the day draws on, and every attempt to escape their watery prison fails, panic sets in and the bodies start piling up. Their desperation is palpable. Adrift (titled Open Water 2 in some countries to cash in on the earlier film’s success even though they aren’t linked) is an extremely effective but sadly underrated thriller that is more than worth 95 minutes of your time.

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Scars of Dracula (21:00, Tuesday, Horror Channel) Hammer horror starring Christopher Lee as the blood-sucking Count (that’s Count – with an o!).
An Education (21:00, Wednesday, BBC4) Coming-of-age drama set in ’60s London – Carey Mulligan is the teenage ingenue seduced by a shady older man (Peter Sarsgaard).
The Pianist (00:10, Friday, ITV3) Roman Polanski-directed WWII drama with Adrien Brody as a Polish-Jewish musician struggling to survive the destruction of the Warsaw ghetto.
Before Sunrise/Before Sunset (from 20:00, Tuesday, Sky Select) The first two films, back-to-back, in Richard Linklater’s fine relationship trilogy, starring Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke.
Be Kind Rewind (21:45, Friday, Sky Select) Jack Black and Mos Def star in Michel Gondry’s charmingly eccentric video store comedy.

Please note: Films starting after midnight are always considered part of the previous day's schedule, e.g. The Pianist begins at 00:10 - technically Saturday morning - but is still part of Friday's listings. All times in 24-hour clock.

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, May 25 - Sunday, May 31

VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): Having never read Cheryl Strayed’s titular novel (based on her own true story), I was prepared to dismiss Wild (Various Streaming Services) as “Eat Pray Love for hikers” with Reese Witherspoon standing in for Julia Roberts on some self-important journey of self-discovery. I couldn’t have been more wrong, though, because director Jean-Marc Vallée’s follow-up to Dallas Buyers Club is a far better and bleaker film than Ryan Murphy's soppy effort. Witherspoon – who was deservedly Oscar-nominated for her role – is Cheryl, a woman destroyed by grief following the death of her beloved mother (Laura Dern). It impacts every aspect of her life, leading to the breakdown of her marriage and a steep descent into heroin use. Desperate to escape her increasingly parlous situation, on a mad whim she decides to hike the 1,100 mile Pacific Crest Trail. What follows is a little predictable but gripping nonetheless as Cheryl overcomes a series of difficult obstacles – mostly involving ill-fitting boots, creepy fellow travellers and a lack of proper food – to slowly but surely make her way up America’s West Coast. Of course her hard physical quest is matched every step of the way by Cheryl's mental journey as she battles her demons to achieve some kind of inner peace. It’s beautifully told and I can’t remember the last time I saw a film that utilised flashbacks so effectively. Some are lengthy, some no more than tiny little echoes of conversations and moments. Crucially, though, every single one of them adds a little to our knowledge of the characters and Cheryl’s situation.



Five more…Big Hero 6 (vss) Likeable but surprisingly dark animation about a boy and his inflatable robot/superhero pal.
The Emperor’s New Clothes (vss) Russell Brand puts the world to rights in this Michael Winterbottom-directed documentary.
Before Midnight (Amazon Prime Instant Video, from Thursday) Third instalment of director Richard Linklater’s ongoing relationship drama starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy.
The Devil’s Advocate (Amazon Prime Instant Video, from Thursday) Al Pacino is on top scenery-chewing form as the Devil himself in this blackly comic melodrama.
Timbuktu (vss, from Friday) Muslim director Abderrahmane Sissako’s powerful, Oscar-nominated drama tackles life under religious fundamentalism. Also in cinemas.

TERRESTRIAL: I haven’t seen Jagged Edge (Wednesday, 23:45, BBC1) for years but it’s a film I had enormous affection for when it was first released in 1985. You’ll already know the ’80s and early ’90s were synonymous with implausibly overblown thrillers (Fatal Attraction, Body Heat, Sea of Love, Basic Instinct, Someone to Watch over Me) and this is about as implausible, overblown and thrilling as it gets. Glenn Close is Teddy Barnes, a former criminal lawyer who returns to action to defend Jack Forrester (Jeff Bridges), a man suspected of murdering his beautiful heiress wife with a serrated knife (hence the title). Of course, the two commence a passionate affair despite the fact slippery Jack’s innocence is in doubt. Director Richard Marquand (Return of the Jedi) lets the is-he-or-isn’t-he question bubble away nicely as the tension inside and outside the courtroom builds and builds, before clipping you round the ear with an impressively-worked twist that you see coming but has you perched on the edge of your seat nonetheless. 

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Avengers Assemble (20:00, today, BBC1) Tom Hiddleston’s charismatic villain Loki steals the show in Joss Whedon’s hugely entertaining superhero blockbuster.
Seven Psychopaths (22:00, Thursday, Channel 4) Passable black comedy from In Bruges writer/director Martin McDonagh, starring Colin Farrell as a struggling screenwriter.
Rear Window (15:10, Saturday, BBC2) Alfred Hitchcock’s sublime and much-imitated thriller, starring James Stewart and Grace Kelly.
Shutter Island (21:00, Sunday, Channel 4) Martin Scorsese directs Leonardo DiCaprio in a mysterious melodrama.

Frost/Nixon (23:00, Sunday, BBC2) Michael Sheen and Frank Langella re-enact the famous post-Watergate interviews conducted by David Frost with disgraced US President Richard Nixon.

CABLE & SATELLITE: When it opened back in 2008, people's main problem with found-footage monster movie Cloverfield (00:25, Friday, Film4) was that they couldn't empathise with its cast of victims, all good-looking Manhattan yuppie types. As the titular beast fetched up in New York to rain down death and destruction, filmgoers simply didn’t give a hoot about gorgeous Beth (Odette Yustman), ambitious Rob (Michael Stahl-David) or any of their ghastly loft-dwelling pals either. Personally, I think they were reading the film completely wrong. They weren’t supposed to care about the yuppies because it’s the titular monster that is the hero of the story, self-absorbed couple Beth and Rob the villains in urgent need of the kind of corrective only a skyscraper-sized monkey/scorpion thing can provide. Once you view it in those terms – as a sort of creature feature with added class war – Matt Reeves’ picture is an absolute blast. (I’m sure the film was meant to be a 9/11 analogy but, even in 2008, that was a hackneyed approach and just seems even more so seven years later). There are a couple of other reasons to love Cloverfield. The fact Reeves keeps the creature under wraps for so long. You don’t see the bizarre beastie in all its glory until well into the film and it’s definitely worth the wait. And there’s also a clever idea involving Doberman-sized parasites that live on Cloverfield and end up having a little human-terrorising mini-adventure of their own. Now, whatever happened to that sequel? 

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We Need to Talk About Kevin (21:00, Tuesday, BBC4) Tilda Swinton is at the height of her powers in Lynne Ramsey’s unsubtle but powerful family drama.
Warm Bodies (21:00, Wednesday, Film4) Nicholas Hoult stars in a charming zombie rom-com.
Apocalypse Now (23:15, Wednesday, ITV4) Francis Ford Coppola’s psychedelic war movie from 1979 still stands the test of time. 
Oculus (07:50 and 22:00, Sky Movies Premiere, from Friday) Karen ‘Amy Pond’ Gillan battles a haunted mirror armed only with an unconvincing American accent.

Dune (21:00, Horror Channel, Friday) David Lynch's Marmite adaptation of Frank Herbert's sci-fi classic featuring Sting in his pants.

Please note: Films starting after midnight are always considered part of the previous day's schedule, e.g. Cloverfield begins at 00:25 - technically Saturday morning - but is still part of Friday's listings. All times in 24-hour clock.

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, May 18 - Sunday, May 24

VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): With Birdman and Whiplash garnering most of the praise, and Selma and American Sniper bathed in controversy, Foxcatcher (various streaming services) got a little buried upon its UK cinema release in January as the mad scramble for the Oscars intensified. And that’s a great shame because Bennett ‘Moneyball’ Miller’s film is a very fine piece of work indeed. Eccentric multi-millionaire John du Pont (an almost unrecognisable Steve Carell) sets up an elite wrestling academy in the grounds of his mansion, recruiting a pair of Olympic gold medal-winning brothers (Mark Ruffalo and Channing Tatum as Dave and Mark Schultz) to his cause. However, as the three men’s relationship starts to deteriorate, it soon becomes apparent Du Pont – a hopeless, maladroit individual who inherited all his money – is also vainglorious, unstable and dangerous. At 2hrs 10mins, Foxcatcher is a slow burn but it needs to be for the story to build and the various character interactions to play out. The whole thing is suffused with tension – between the Schultz brothers, between them and Du Pont, between Du Pont and his poisonous mother (Vanessa Redgrave) – but the ending still comes as a painful punch to the guts if you don’t know the true story the film is based upon.

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Into the Woods (VSS) Meryl Streep, James Corden, Anna Kendrick and the excellent Emily Blunt star in a clever and enjoyable fairy-tale mash-up based on the Stephen Sondheim stage musical. 
Superman (Amazon Prime Instant Video, from Thursday) Richard Donner’s 1978 movie is a perfect illustration of how the famous DC comic-book hero should be treated on screen (clue: not ridiculously, unrelentingly dark). Christopher Reeve exudes decency and charisma in the title role.
World War Z (Netflix UK, from Thursday) Brad Pitt is caught in the middle of a zombie outbreak in this breathless adaptation of the Max Brooks novel.
Altman (VSS) Passable documentary celebrating late movie director Robert ‘Nashville’ Altman’s life and work.
A Most Violent Year (VSS) Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain star in JC ‘All is Lost’ Chandor’s ’80s-set crime drama.

TERRESTRIAL: I remember being pretty lukewarm on the idea when they announced yet another reboot of the Planet of the Apes franchise. As a kid, I’d loved the films and especially the TV show which was shown in the UK on Sunday nights. Before Star Wars came along and turned everyone into instant space opera junkies, POTA was definitely where it was at if you were an imaginative 10-year-old into all things geeky (I even recall a friend of mine buying an expensive ape suit from the States and wearing it in class much to the teacher’s amusement). Thankfully, Rise of the Planet of the Apes (21:00, Saturday, Channel 4) quickly consigned Tim Burton’s failed 2001 reimagining to the dustbin of history and turned out to be a very worthy addition to the canon. It gives us a credible and compelling “origin” story (a putative cure for Alzheimer’s massively boosts its test subject ape’s intelligence) and nicely balances the hugely impressive CGI segments with smaller, emotional scenes. James Franco and John Lithgow are both excellent as the film’s “good humans” but it’s Andy Serkis’ bravura motion-capture turn as ape leader Caesar that deserves most of the plaudits – a perfect marriage of man and cinematic hi-tech. I don’t think the follow-up – last year’s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – was nearly as successful but this is pretty much perfect.

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Robot & Frank (23:15, Wednesday, BBC1) Frank Langella is a retired cat burglar getting up to mischief with his robot helper in this touching, sci-fi inflected comedy.

The Trouble with Harry (14:35, Saturday, BBC2) The trouble with Harry is that he’s a corpse in Alfred Hitchcock’s black comedy from 1955.

Trance (21:00, Sunday, Channel 4) James McAvoy and Rosario Dawson’s shaved vagina star in this twisty but underwhelming Danny Boyle art heist thriller.

Valhalla Rising (Midnight, Sunday, BBC2) Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn’s Viking saga is strange, slow and very violent indeed.

Renaissance (01:00, Sunday, Channel 4) Noirish sci-fi animation set in 2054 and starring Daniel Craig (well, his voice at any rate).

CABLE & SATELLITE: Kevin Costner used to be bloody good, bringing his low-key charm and corn-fed charisma to a host of modern Hollywood classics including Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, JFK and The Untouchables. Give me a minute and I could even make a case for Dances with Wolves and Waterworld too. No Way Out (21:00, Thursday, TCM) is from 1987; the film the actor made just before he became ubiquitous and, ultimately, unbearable. It’s one of those glossy, action-packed, twist-filled Cold War thrillers they seemed to bang out so effortlessly back then and in which Costner plays naval officer Tom Farrell. Supposedly on the trail of a murderous Soviet mole, Farrell finds himself compromised. Not only was he having an affair with the Russian’s alleged victim (Sean Young in arguably her best role) but he also knows the identity of her real killer (Gene Hackman, as the US Secretary of Defence, on top form as a total bastard) and that the entire mole story is an invention to cover for him. The plot is convoluted but for once that works in its favour because you simply haven’t got a clue which curveball No Way Out is going to pitch your way next. It makes for a breathless, unbearably tense film that boasts one of the finest twist endings you’ll see this or any year.

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Cold in July (22:15, tonight, Sky Premiere) Pleasingly twisty ’80s-flavoured thriller starring Michael C Hall in easily his best role since Dexter ground to an ignominious halt.

Raging Bull (22:00, Tuesday, Sky Greats) Robert De Niro is Jake La Motta in director Martin Scorsese’s bruisingly brilliant boxing biopic.

The Godfather (11:00 and 20:00, Tuesday, Sky Select) Francis Ford Coppola’s Mafia masterpiece starring Marlon Brando, Al Pacino and James Caan. Parts II and III show on Wednesday and Thursday.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (21:00, Thursday, Horror Channel) Hammer’s swashbuckling blood-sucker basher is surely ripe for a remake.

School of Rock (18:45, Saturday, Film4) Jack Black is at his most likeable and charming in a Richard ‘Boyhood’ Linklater comedy guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Please note: Films starting after midnight are always considered part of the previous day's schedule, e.g. Renaissance begins at 01:00 - technically Monday morning - but is still part of Sunday's listings. All times in 24-hour clock.

TV Movie Picks (UK): Monday, May 11 - Sunday, May 17

VIEW ON DEMAND (VOD): If Antichrist was a horror movie about grief and guilt, and Melancholia a disaster movie about depression, then that must make Nymphomaniac: The Director’s Cut Volumes I and II (various streaming services) a sex movie about, um, sex. I’m being facetious, of course, but Lars von Trier’s latest does seem a little more straightforward than his other recent work. In fact, at times it’s almost a simple cautionary tale of what happens when libidos go unchecked – the emotional and physical damage the life of a sexual libertine can bring down upon their head. As we follow Joe (Stacy Martin ageing into Charlotte Gainsbourg) through her shag-packed existence we soon become aware her sex addiction is a disease with the potential to be every bit as lethal as alcoholism or drug dependency. I suspect its Von Trier’s critique of and satire on the “pornification” of our culture and being Von Trier he doesn’t do it subtly. Anyone who found the original versions of Nymphomaniac hard going should probably avoid these new extended cuts. Most of the extra 80 minutes – spread over the two films to give us a final running time of around five-and-a-half hours – is taken up with screwing of one sort or another and the addition of a gruelling abortion scene that at least sheds some light on one of the story areas I failed to grasp first time around. This isn’t one of the maverick Danish director’s best films – giving up booze and drugs clearly doesn’t suit his artistic muse – but even a below-par Von Trier is more interesting and challenging than practically anyone else out there. 

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Fast & Furious 6 (from Saturday, Netflix) Dom, Brian, Hobbs, Letty and the rest of the gang return to take on a band of mercenaries by, er, doing stunts and driving really fast. 

The Theory of Everything (VSS) Over-praised biopic of Professor Stephen Hawking featuring fine turns from Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones.
2001: A Space Odyssey (from Thursday, Amazon Prime Instant Video) Stanley Kubrick's sci-fi masterpiece remains baffling and brilliant.
Clouds of Sils Maria (VSS) Juliette Binoche, Kristen Stewart and Chloe Grace Moretz star in a deliberately-paced but absorbing drama about an ageing actress facing up to her own mortality. Also in cinemas.
Bypass (VSS) Moody British crime drama starring Pride’s George Mackay. 

TERRESTRIAL: The most recent Inbetweeners film may have done good business at the UK box office but the fact it was almost free of laughs and appallingly lazy (gap-year students are all middle class wankers – who knew?) surely cannot have gone unnoticed. It just goes to show that there’s a real art to transferring successful TV shows and their characters to the big screen, and its one the makers of Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (21:20, Saturday, BBC2) seem to have down pat. In short, Partridge’s movie debut is bloody funny and probably the best British TV-to-film transfer since, um, forever. The movie sees Steve Coogan’s finest creation still gainfully employed as a DJ at North Norfolk Digital but his cosy world of chat and Neil Diamond is rudely interrupted when the radio station is bought out and rebranded. Heads must roll and when the axe falls on Alan’s unstable colleague Pat Farrell (Colm Meaney) an armed siege at the station ensues – with the cowardly Partridge stuck in the middle. Quotable lines (“I am Siege Face”) and memorable scenes come thick and fast and although it never quite matches the best bits of I’m Alan Partridge or Knowing Me, Knowing You… Alpha Papa doesn't fall far short. 

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Margin Call (23:15, Wednesday, BBC1) Kevin Spacey and Paul Bettany head a terrific cast in JC (All Is Lost, A Most Violent Year) Chandor’s thriller set at the start of the financial crisis.
Cape Fear (22:40, Friday, ITV) Robert De Niro is terrifying as vengeful rapist Max Cady in a brutal crime thriller directed by Martin Scorsese. 
The Hunger Games (21:00, Saturday, ITV) Jennifer Lawrence makes her debut as Katniss Everdeen in this Battle Royale for tweens.

In The Loop (23:45, Saturday, BBC2) Peter Capaldi’s ferocious spin doctor Malcolm Tucker heads for Washington DC in this big screen version of The Thick of It.
The Great Escape (17:40, Sunday, Channel 5) Quintessential WWII flick starring Steve McQueen as Virgil Hilts, the “Cooler King”.

DIGITAL & SATELLITE: For me, The King of Comedy (01:25, Wednesday, Film4) is not only director Martin Scorsese’s finest movie but it also boasts Robert De Niro’s greatest performance as Rupert Pupkin, a fame-chasing oddball who fancies himself a stand-up comic. Rather than paying his dues and honing his craft on the comedy club circuit, though, Pupkin skulks in his mother’s basement, acting out weird fantasies in which he appears on a chat show hosted by TV star Jerry Langford (a fantastic Jerry Lewis). Pupkin hopes to befriend Langford and use their connection as a quick way to fame and fortune. Made in 1982, King was years ahead of its time anticipating as it did the rise of celebrity stalkers (Sandra Bernhard is terrific as the deranged Masha) and the “fast route to fame” notion that utterly permeates contemporary culture. De Niro has been rightly celebrated for his roles as Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver and Jake La Motta in Raging Bull and, traditionally, the actor has tended to play alpha males; macho, nasty bastards. Here he’s asked to do something completely different – step into the shoes of a genuinely strange little man. Pupkin is fastidious, neat, oleaginous and decidedly creepy, and De Niro just completely nails it. Forget Meet the Parents, this is the film in which the actor proved himself adept as a great comic actor. Some of his scenes with Bernhard and Lewis (especially) are hilarious and cringe-making in equal measure. The comedy of embarrassment before such a term had even been coined. It’s showing at stupid o’clock so set your PVRs.

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Re-animator (22:45, Tuesday, Horror Channel) Blood-soaked and darkly comic take on HP Lovecraft's horrific – not to mention unpleasantly racist – original short story.

Maria Full of Grace (22:00, Wednesday, Sky Arts 1) Powerful drama about a pregnant Colombian teenager who agrees to smuggle cocaine into the US. 
Martha Marcy May Marlene (01:15, Thursday, Film4) A pre-Avengers/Godzilla Elizabeth Olsen is superb in this affecting drama about a vulnerable young woman on the run from the members of a Waco-style cult.
Bronson (22:45, Friday, Film4) Tom Hardy stars as infamous British lifer Charles Bronson in Nicholas Winding Refn’s funny, surreal but also quite brutal and disturbing drama.
The Jerk (22:45, Sunday, ITV4) “Poor black child” and hopeless idiot Navin R Johnson (Steve Martin) searches for his "special purpose" in one of the finest film comedies ever made.