Peaks and troughs: Your week in film (Feb 15-21)

Mia Wasikowska stars in the underwhelming Crimson Peak

TV, Radio, DVD, Blu-ray, VOD and cinema picks for the next seven days...

MONDAY 15th: The week's biggest home entertainment release is Guillermo Del Toro's Crimson Peak (Blu-ray, DVD and VOD). But, despite boasting some stunning visuals, this overcooked gothic romance/horror never comes close to matching the quality of the Mexican director's Pan's Labyrinth or The Devil's Backbone. It's a shame, because the cast (including Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska and Jessica Chastain) are terrific and it's certainly influenced by all the right stuff (Rebecca, Roger Corman and Hammer). The schools are on half-term break, so if you're in need of something to keep the kids quiet, there's animated monsters sequel Hotel Transylvania 2 (Blu-ray, DVD and VOD), starring Adam Sandler as Dracula (he certainly sucks the life out of me), and riotous Shakespeare comedy Bill (DVD and VOD), from the makers of Horrible Histories. Eli Roth's Idealistic Teens v Cannibals horror The Green Inferno hits View On Demand services today just days after its cinema release, and more splattery thrills are provided by '80s slasher 'classic' The Mutilator (Dual Format), which has been given a smart 2k restoration and a ton of extras. TV-wise, Matt Damon stars in The Bourne Supremacy (ITV2, 21:00) and Angela Bettis lights up the wonderful and weird May (Horror Channel, 02:40)

The Horrible Histories gang take on Shakespeare in Bill (trailer)

TUESDAY 16th: It's all about the TV today. Pitch Black (Movie Mix, 21:00), starring Vin Diesel as badass escaped convict Riddick for the first time, remains a smart and genuinely thrilling slice of sci-fi. Elsewhere, there's more SF in the form of underrated alien invasion adventure Skyline (Film4, 23:35), while The Anderson Tapes (Movies 4 Men, 21:00) is a superior Sidney Lumet heist thriller starring Sean Connery. Best of the bunch, though, is Sergio Leone's The Man With No Name trilogy, which Sky Movies Select are showing back to back. A Fistful Of Dollars (18:00) kicks off proceedings with For A Few Dollars More (19:45) and The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (22:00) following in quick succession. 

Vin Diesel is badass Riddick in Pitch Black (trailer)

WEDNESDAY 17th: If you only watch one film this week, make it 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (Sky Arts, 22:00), an excoriating, heartbreaking but ultimately uplifting drama set in communist Romania in the 1980s. Masterpiece is a word I try not to bandy about too much on here but Cristian Mungiu's film is very close to perfection and froths with a righteous fury you simply don't see very often. Concentration camp drama The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas (BBC4, 22:00) is another tough but worthwhile watch, while Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall (ITV4, 22:00) remains as batty and brilliant as it ever was. Kubrick's sublime Dr. Strangelove hits Netflix today, as do Erin Brockovich and Django Unchained. Kim Longinotto and Ziba Mir-Hosseini's excellent and eye-opening 1998 documentary Divorce Iranian Style makes its debut on Mubi. Antonia Quirke and Danny Leigh are joined by critic Ashley Clark on Film 2016 (23:45, BBC1) to give their verdicts on the week's new cinema releases, including horror western Bone Tomahawk and gay rights drama Freeheld.  

4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days is my film of the week (trailer)

THURSDAY 18th: Gaspar Noé's Love (Netflix) is every bit as mucky as you'll have heard and isn't nearly as good as some of the French director/provocateur's previous work. But, for all that, it isn't bad, being both an honest attempt at reclaiming good old-fashioned cinematic filth from the porn industry and a reasonably engaging drama about the corrosive effects of love and lust. It's nicely shot, too, with Noé finding compositional beauty in even the most ridiculous bouts of sweaty humping. Although Dirty Harry (ITV4, 23:25, also Friday, 21:00) sounds like it should be a companion piece to Noe's film, it is of course nothing of the sort. Clint Eastwood stars as the titular San Francisco cop in Don Siegel's iconic thriller from 1971. In truth, Andy Robinson steals the movie right out from under Eastwood as the Scorpio Killer. Altogether now: "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream..."

"Are you feeling lucky, punk?" Clint Eastwood stars in Dirty Harry (trailer)

FRIDAY 19th: The week's most intriguing cinema release is Chronic (also available on VOD), a bleak drama starring Tim Roth as a home care nurse working with terminally ill patients. It was one of the big winners at last year's Cannes and Roth's performance is reportedly his best for some time (yes, even better than the one he gave as Sepp Blatter in United Passions). David Morrissey and Robbie Collin are the guest presenters on Kermode and Mayo's Film Review (Radio Five Live, 14:00) on which Chiwetel Ejiofor talks about his new film Triple 9 (out today). Unfriended (Sky Movies Premiere, 10:55 and 00:05) is a fiendishly clever horror film that plays out entirely on a teenager's computer screen as she and her friends come under attack from an unseen supernatural assailant. It shouldn't work but it does. Film4 boasts a Sam Jones double bill of Ted (21:00) and Flash Gordon (23:05).

Chronic was a big hit at the Cannes film festival (trailer)

SATURDAY 20th: Shailene Woodley (fantastic in last year's criminally underrated White Bird In A Blizzard) does the YA novel adaptation thing in Divergent (Amazon Prime Video), while The Straight Story (TCM, 16:40) showcases director David Lynch's sweeter, quirkier side. It tells the true tale of Alvin Straight (Richard Farnsworth), a 73-year-old who travelled 240 miles between Iowa and Wisconsin to see his sick brother on a lawnmower with a top speed of around 5mph. Sissy Spacek and Harry Dean Stanton lend support. Apocalypto (Channel 4, 23:20) is Mel Gibson's visceral and visually stunning action/adventure flick set during the decline of the Mayan empire. No one does good old-fashioned savagery like Mad Mel.  

David Lynch's The Straight Story (trailer)

SUNDAY 21st: It's Ethan Hawke Day on Sky Movies Select and they've lined up some of the actor's best films, including Before Sunrise (09:45), Boyhood (13:00) and Training Day (21:45). Lots of good stuff elsewhere on Sky Movies, too, including bonkers David Fincher thriller Gone Girl (Crime & Thriller, 21:00), Alex Garland's superior sci-fi Ex Machina (Sci-Fi & Horror, 21:00) and civil rights drama Selma (Valentine), which features a fabulous turn from 

David Oyelowo as Dr Martin Luther King. Gold are offering a Marx Brothers double bill of Duck Soup (14:50) and Horse Feathers (16: 20). Gold, indeed.

The Marx Brothers' classic comedy Duck Soup (trailer)

UK box office top 10
1. Goosebumps
2. Dad's Army
3. The Revenant R
4. Dirty Grandpa
5. Spotlight R
6. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
7. The Big Short R
8. Ride Along 2
9. Point Break
10. Daddy's Home

R = Recommended

2015 in review: The disappointments

The worst films of the year – Get Hard, Pixels, the 20 minutes of The Wedding Ringer I could stomach – aren't worth the hike in my blood pressure it would take for me to discuss them, so let's do something different. Here are 10 movies I expected good things from in 2015 but which, for me, failed to deliver on the hype. Some are irredeemable turkeys (Black Mass, Pitch Perfect 2), others are watchable despite their shortcomings (Trainwreck, Sicario)...

1. Crimson Peak (pictured above)

Visually stunning but ultimately vacuous gothic horror/romance from director Guillermo Del Toro. It lacked the punch (both political and supernatural) the director had brought in the past to Spanish-language films such as The Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth. 

2. Sicario

The complexities of the Mexican drug war reduced to clumsy macho revenge fantasy. A pity because elsewhere there is much to admire in Denis Villeneuve's film, not least a fine leading turn from Emily Blunt (Edge Of Tomorrow) as an in-over-her-head FBI agent. Probably this year's most overrated movie.

3. Black Mass

Johnny Depp abandons silly cartoonish roles in movies such as Mortdecai and The Lone Ranger to play an, erm, silly cartoonish role as real-life gangster James 'Whitey' Bulger. Depressingly one-note throughout, Black Mass is a mess of witless confrontation, murder and misogyny. Goodfellas for dummies.

4. Trainwreck

Amy Schumer's US TV vehicle - Inside Amy Schumer - is one of the finest sketch comedies to appear on either side of the Atlantic in the last 20 years. Trainwreck (co-written by and starring Schumer) was director Judd Apatow's attempt to refashion her schtick for the American mainstream and it smoothed off far too many of the comic's sharp edges. In fact, the film's boozy, promiscuous journalist was like something out of 1990s Britain - a story about a ladette, only 20 years too late.
5. Pitch Perfect 2

The original film about an all-girl a cappella group starring Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson had charm by the bucketload and plenty of funny moments. The rotten sequel was lumbered with one of the year's worst scripts and generous lashings of casual racism. Witless tripe. 

6. Southpaw

After Nightcrawler and Enemy, I couldn't wait to see what Jake Gyllenhaal did next. Unfortunately, it was this absurdly melodramatic boxing flick that contained plot holes so huge you could manoeuvre Starkiller Base through them with no danger of touching the sides.

7. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

After all that hype and anticipation, J.J. Abrams' bow as Star Wars supremo had its moments but far too much of it felt secondhand. Nods to the past were inevitable but The Force Awakens too often seemed like a nostalgia-soaked mash-up of A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with Abrams even wheeling out a pimped-out Death Star in lieu of a decent or original plot. Admittedly, Finn and Rey were intriguing new characters but Kylo Ren was like Harry Enfield's Kevin The Teenager in Darth Vader cosplay. 

8. The Overnight
Limp sex comedy that manages to squander both its great cast (Adam Scott, Taylor Schilling and Jason Schwartzman) and intriguing premise (a vanilla married couple are invited to dinner by their new friends, who may be swingers). Despite being barely 80 minutes long, The Overnight runs out of steam long before the end. 

9. Me And Earl And The Dying Girl
One of those quirky US indies that arrives on UK shores every year having been the "toast of Sundance". I genuinely can't remember the last time I loathed a lead character in a movie the way I did Thomas Mann's Greg (the titular Me), an irritating little twerp full of fashionable ennui in need of a good, hard kick up the arse. 

10. Avengers: Age Of Ultron

2014 was probably the best year for superhero flicks to date with Guardians Of The Galaxy, Captain America: Winter Soldier, and X-Men: Days Of Future Past all impressing. Unfortunately, it was back to earth with a bump this year as Fantastic Four stank the place out, Ant-Man was a curate's egg, and Joss Whedon's Avengers sequel was overlong and cluttered. Let's hope 2016's Deadpool and Captain America: Civil War stop the rot.  

**Next up: My 10 favourite documentaries of 2015**

5 for Friday (October 16): Trailers, new releases and box office

1. Crimson Peak
What is it? After the action-packed excess of Pacific Rim, Guillermo Del Toro returns to what he does best – a gothic horror tale jam-packed with ghosts, spectacular visuals and an atmosphere so thick you could slice it like bread. It stars Mia Wasikowska (pictured above), Jessica Chastain and Tom Hiddleston, and features a spooky mansion that “breathes, bleeds… and remembers".
Where in the UK can I see it? Everywhere.
Critical consensus: A ghost-bustingly average 67 per cent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.
My take: It’s difficult to see this rivalling Pan’s Labyrinth as Del Toro’s best film but if this sumptuous trailer is anything to go by, Crimson Peak will be a treat.

2. The Lobster

What is it? Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz and Olivia Colman star in a surreal and disturbing sci-fi satire on the dating game and the pressure exerted on people to find romantic love. In a dystopian future, singles must find a partner in 45 days or be transformed into animals and released into the wild. It sounds far more humane than Take Me Out.

Where in the UK can I see it? Key cities, including London, Cardiff and Manchester.

Critical consensus: A tasty 88 per cent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

My take: The first movie I saw by Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos was 2009’s Dogtooth, a piece of work that was inventive, transgressive and quite superb. Suffice to say, I have high hopes for this.

3. Howl

What is it? Passengers on a broken-down train come under attack from a werewolf in this British-made horror movie. Dog Soldiers’ Sean Pertwee’s in it although not, it seems, in a starring role.

Where in the UK can I see it? Howl is getting a very limited cinema release before clawing its way onto DVD, Blu-ray and VOD on October 26.

Critical consensus: A bitingly mediocre 57 per cent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

My take: It’s been a while since old-school horror fans had a really cracking werewolf flick to get our teeth into (Dog Soldiers in 2002, by my reckoning) so I’m keeping my fingers crossed this contains the requisite amounts of scares, gore and black comedy.

4. The Program

What is it? The rise and fall of seven-time Tour de France winner/cancer survivor/doping cheat Lance Armstrong (Ben Foster). Chris O’Dowd plays the Irish journalist determined to prove the champion cyclist’s guilt. Stephen Frears (Philomena) directs, Dustin Hoffman co-stars.

Where in the UK can I see it? It’s getting a wide release so shouldn’t be difficult to track down.

Critical consensus: A chemically-unenhanced 52 per cent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

My take: Armstrong’s fall from grace is one of the most extraordinary events in sporting history and fully deserving of the big movie treatment. But Frears’ film will do well to better Alex Gibney’s 2013 documentary about the same subject, The Armstrong Lie.

5. Censored Voices

What is it? Documentary about 1967’s Six Day War in which Israel defeated Egypt, Syria and Jordan and grabbed land in Gaza, Sinai, and the West Bank. The country tripled in size in under a week, leading to euphoric scenes. However, away from the celebrations, author Amos Oz recorded interviews with Israeli soldiers, fresh from the battlefield, and their take on the conflict is anything but jubilant. Nearly 50 years on (the recordings were suppressed for decades) the interviews are replayed for the same group of soldiers... 

Where in the UK can I see it? London only.

Critical consensus: An impressive 100 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes, albeit after just seven reviews.

My take: Any documentary about the Israel/Palestine situation is always pertinent and prescient for one simple reason - nothing there ever seems to change. I hope this gets a speedy DVD/VOD release as its probably the only way I'll get to see it.    

Also in cinemas this week...

Back To The Future 2 (reissue, from Wednesday)

Chic!
Dans La Cour
The Diabolical 
Henry V – RSC Live 2015
Hotel Transylvania 2 

The Last Witch Hunter (from Wednesday)
Le Talent De Mes Amis

Laurel & Hardy: Towed In The Hole & Way Out West (double bill) (reissue, from Tuesday)
North V South 
Pan 
Rough Cut
Soaked In Bleach
SuperBob

UK box office top 10

1. The Martian
2. Sicario (15)
3. The Walk
4. Legend
5. The Intern
6. Everest
7. Macbeth
8. The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials
9. Regression
10. Inside Out

US box office top 10

1. The Martian
2. Hotel Transylvania 2
3. Pan
4. The Intern
5. Sicario
6. Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials
7. The Walk 
8. Black Mass
9. Everest
10. The Visit